YOU KNOW IT'S HOT OUTSIDE WHEN...

* You notice your car overheating before you put it in drive.

* Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.

* Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.

* Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.

* You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

* The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."

* Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.

* The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper.

* Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.

* The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot.

* Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.

* A scalding hot shower still cools you down.

* You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.

* People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames.

* A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants.

* The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves.

* You need a spatula to remove your clothing.

* When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts.

* You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.

* You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as 
much as possible.

* You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!

* Lawyers kill themselves because they know it's cooler in Hell

* It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving 
on the streets.

* Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 
30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.

* You burn your hand opening the car door.

* You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

* Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips

* You are sitting inside reading these jokes