Safety Data Sheet
                     Hazardous Materials Information System

                         Women -- A chemical analysis

Element:        Woman
Symbol:         Wo
Discovered:     Adam
Atomic Mass:    Accepted as a lie, but known to vary from 100 to 400 pounds.
Occurrence:     Copious Quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1.      Surface usually covered with painted film.
2.      Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3.      Melts if given special treatment.
4.      Bitter if ignored.
5.      Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6.      Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1.      Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
2.      Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3.      May explode spontaneously if left alone with male.
4.      Insoluble in liquid, but activity increased by saturation in alcohol.
5.      Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1.      Highly ornamental, especially in sports car.
2.      Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:

1.      Pure speciman turns a rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2.      Turns green when placed beside a better speciman.

HAZARDS:

1.      Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2.      Illegal to possess more than one.